Aristotle, Friendship, and the Lover-Beloved Relationship

Aristotle describes three different types of friendship: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of virtue, with the latter being the most Good. Aristotle argues that friendship is complete virtue, and so it should be placed above all other virtues, including honor and justice.

First, Aristotle describes friendships of utility. He says that elderly people, because they are more experienced and efficient in life, are prone to these sorts of friendships because they are looking to find what is advantageous for them. This comes from a self-love of utility, which is ultimately selfish.

Second, Aristotle describes friendships of pleasure, saying that the young are more likely to make these sorts of friendships because they are passion-filled and seeking pleasure. They flit around from one friendship to another, because they are filled with self-love of pleasure. This also is ultimately selfish.

Third, Aristotle describes friendships of virtue which are the most esteemed. In this friendship between two people of equally virtuous status, each person wills only the good for his friend, disregarding self-love of pleasure and of utility. Only good people - or people pursuing the Good - can handle these sorts of friendships, because there is nothing to gain since both friends are equal to each other, and united in their pursuance of virtue.

Aristotle believes that true love is the product of a virtuous friendship.

In Book 8, Chapter 7, Line 11, Aristotle starts talking about friendships that are based on superiority, such as that which would arise between a younger man and an older man. He argues that "in all friendships based on a superiority, the feelings of friendly affection too ought to be proportional" according to the ranks of superiority. For example, if a person that is more esteemed or older becomes friends with one who is less esteemed or younger, it is proper that the lesser individual should love the greater more than the greater loves the lesser.  In doing this, the hierarchy sort of levels out, and they can have that virtuous sort of friendship that is the best kind. This appears to me to be analogous to the lover-beloved relationship discussed in the Symposium. In Chapter 8, Aristotle goes on to say "But the many seem, on account of their love of honor, to wish to be loved more than to love." This also seems to be the problem in the Symposium with all the tension and drama that occurs, especially with Alcibaides (however you spell his name). He is jealous for the honor one gets from being the beloved of Socrates, and thus wants to be loved more than he wants to truly love Socrates. This is why their relationship seems strained, and perhaps if Alcibaides was more focused on loving than on being loved, then their relationship would be Good and they could pursue virtue together. This holds true for many relationships today as well. (Yay Aristotle with that good ol' marriage advice!)